everything in moderation....

This week taught me a lesson. It taught me that balance is an important part of training.
I finished my long run yesterday, but I skipped my Thursday run. If I'd run even a few miles that day I may have felt better about my week. Instead I found an excuse, then another and didn't run. I can tell you there were several hours to fit in a run on Thursday. I managed to fit in a staff meeting, have a glass of wine with friends and be assured, all of my email was answered that day.
But, that particular run was more important than I thought. By skipping a run, I felt guilt which made my long run yesterday seem less successful. Curses!
Even worse, having napped for 2 hours and eating a monster load of food, I had a horrible night at work! Let me acknowledge fatigue was partially to blame. Unfortunately, most of the issue was in my head. I felt inadequate because of poor planning. Thankfully, I have great co-workers who listened and helped me through the evening. Looking back I realize most of my problem is a lack of balance.
I could have run Thursday. If I had, I'd feel more accomplished. Also, I may have considered running long on Friday. That would have saved me a full evening of frustrating exhaustion. Instead I chose to spend time on fun--which is good, in moderation. I'm realizing this goal is really important to me. In an attempt to fit it all in and ignore my big obsession to go 50K, I didn't get the important stuff done this week. It's good to enjoy time with friends, work full time and run my training. But, some things will need to be moderated....Remember....
"Everything in moderation, including moderation."
— Oscar Wilde

Now if I could only find the balance....anyone have a hint?

Just checking in...

Did my long run today. 11 miles...will write more when I have energy again.
Total miles 69.5

I realized the power of intent yesterday on a hill run. In the past month I have struggled through many runs...gutting it out has been my motto for a lot of runs. So, yesterday I went for a run through Whatcom Falls. I've run the park on many short run days. Yesterday was different. I decided to find EVERY hill and set of stairs and run each one.
Then, I just ran and found myself powering up hills. Though I sucked wind a lot of the time, the run felt great! So I'll try the intent thing with everyday, not just the big goal!

Total Miles 58.8 (3 with intent)

No verbatim possible

OK, ran a 6 miler with Karla today. She was kind enough to not strangle me at mile 2.5 when I sort of freaked out. She suggested we keep going. Today was supposed to be a 40 min run. Meaning about 4-5 miles. She was feeling good and wanted to keep going. Understandable right?

Uh, no. I said OK, but this is the last time we go longer than planned! (I'm sure that's paraphrased but I'm not willing or able to quote myself verbatim at this time) About 3/4 of the way through my huff, I realized this had nothing to do with Karla. It did however have everything to do with fear.

My name is Paula and I am afraid of failure. There, I said it! I'm afraid that in the next 14 1/2 weeks, I'll blow this master plan and not reach my goal of a sub-four marathon. Crazy right? Yep, that's me, crazy town. Anyway, I explained my feelings to Karla who thanked me for explaining my bitchiness. She also said she understood exactly how I felt. What a great friend.

Also, what a great lesson. This goal is not worth being angry at a friend. It's not worth obsessing about but....it is worth staying focused and giving myself a break at the same time. On the same note; when I got home tonight, I read another running blog. The runner was talking about having an irregular heart beat and crying during a run. She ended by saying her 89 mile week was probably the reason, along with her 3 lb weight loss. I have to say I was alarmed at her lack of clarity. Why run so much that your heart malfunctions?

Our health is so precious, running could never be that important to me. Is it possible for me ever get to her level of obsession? I highly doubt it (my love of food would prevent all that weight loss anyway), but I sure hope my friends would say something if I did. I'm pretty sure Karla wouldn't let me go that far.
So, today we ran an extra mile or two and it was a gorgeous day. No big deal-I enjoyed the run. See? The sun is following me.

Steps of the long run

Today's long run day! I finished 9.4 miles. It felt very....l...o...n...g. Thanks to Donna and Linda for the early start. I joke about starting later but the truth is I would rather just get it over with. Today felt like a stretch but that is what the long run is all about. Just like any challenge in life, there is a process to the long run.
At first there is denial. After one solo mile, I met up with Donna and Linda who were doing less mileage today. We started off and I thought, hey this isn't so bad. Then came the anger...
OK I really wasn't angry but my legs were...
I actually felt great through most of the distance but at the 6.4 mile mark my body started yelling, "Are you kidding me? You worked last night and I'm tired!" I tried to ignore my internal voice and started to bargain
I bargained with my body...I told the bad little voice to calm down and reminded it and my legs that there were only 3 miles left and we'd be sure to make it to the end.
I skipped over depression today. The run just wasn't long enough to get there. I went right from bargaining to acceptance. With a 1/2 mile left, I realized it was done and I was in one piece. The run itself was good. The weather was amazing--cold when we started but the sun was shining and warmed us up before the end! Ha! You wouldn't know it reading along today would you? The truth is my body is beginning to shape up. I'm no speeder. Instead I can count on finishing a schedule each week.
Total mileage 49.8

Still learning lessons....

There is a limit that I have reached a few times in my life. It's just on the edge of fitness. I've run through and maintained my fitness level for about a year....only once. I was 29 and remember running 10 miles, just for fun. I would have a beer with friends then feel like 'running it off' and going for a 4 mile run. Occasionally, I could be coaxed into a second run for the day. Does that sound crazy? I gotta tell you, it felt amazing. I was a lean, mean machine and ate like a horse! (That was my favorite part) This week, that edge is looming a little closer. I almost kept up with the young, tall and very fast, Megan (pictured here---isn't she tall?).
If I put in some work and am careful to not hurt myself, I could achieve that level of fitness again. At the time, I had no idea I would spend 10 years getting that back. I didn't realize that my fitness would not endure the off time and subsequent pounds. I let that slip away with hours of procrastination, of dabbling. I disappointed myself.
You know what? I've learned something in the last 10 years. I've learned it's hard to gain back fitness. I've also learned that achieving my goals is worth the effort. Right now, it's 15 weeks until my first big goal. After that, it's on to the 50K. At that point it's all about maintenance, strength building and.... running...
just keep running...just keep running....

Miles this week 9
Total miles 28.4

Week 2

Great start to the week Went for a run with Donna and feel like I'm keeping up! It feels great to get out and run a loop with my long time friend.
Week #2
Total miles this week: 5
Total miles: 24.4

The deep water effect.

I had a lovely day at work after my long run yesterday. With the exception of my legs feeling as though they would fall off by 1100 last night- my body felt good and I was relaxed. My patients picked up on my mellow. There is definitely a connection between all of us. We often cruise through life and often don't notice the effect we have on others. That is never the case when caring for people. The caregiver sets the tone.
I call it the still water/stormy wave effect. A person who is relaxed, like deep, still water will smooth out a crowd. It's enjoyable to hang around them. Then, there's the stormy waver. These people are agitated and nervous. They stir the air and people around them. If you were able to watch each of them go by, the effect is dramatic. Either way, the individual can set a tone for the group.
Last night, I had calm deep water around me. Thanks to a good run and the confidence I felt from achieving my one week goal, I had a good attitude and a clear mind. My patients picked up on my calm and were content.
Reason # 362 for running: a mellow attitude and deep water.

One week done!

Today I finished week 1 of 'real' training. I managed to run all of my days. Despite going out of town I flip-flopped 2 days to get in my running. Today, I ran with Donna and her Saturday morning gang. It was great to keep up and catch up. We ran an easy, fun 7.4 miles.
I'm excited to have run my schedule this week. Just 15 to go! I'm feeling confident!!!
Day 6
Miles 19.4

Mr. Red Shoes

Each person I pass adds to my run. Hold on, let me clarify the word 'pass'. I pass walkers, slow joggers, old people and fast runners going the opposite way. Occasionally, on a very good day, I pass a runner. Today, I even passed a guy who was speed-walking, or running really slow, I really wasn't sure. He was more entertaining than most. Everyone I pass has an effect on me. If it's a bunch of fit gals, I speed up. When I pass a speed-walker, I relax. If I run near a smack-talking dude? I pour it on!
Today, I was inspired by 'Mr. Red Shoes'. Some dude had these very red, very fast looking running shoes on. I passed him on my way down a hill; he was going up. It wasn't the shoes that caught my eye, it was his perfect form and focus. He focused on each step and looked solid. He zipped by, barely noting me. When I passed Mr. Red Shoes, I did a mental survey of my running form and speed. I even sped up a bit, refined my form and the balance of my run was easier.
Thanks Mr. Red Shoes! I needed the double check today. I often focus on other people for entertainment. It keeps me going on tough days. Today, Mr. Red Shoes reminded me of the value of running with focus.

Day 4
Total miles 12

Just a tally

Total miles 7 (ran yesterday in Whatcom Falls)

Can I get a 'HELL YES"?

Day 1! 117 days and a few hours until June 6th, race day. The commitment is a little overwhelming at this end of 4 months....I can hear a little voice talking...chiming on and on.
It's doubt saying, "Are you sure another marathon is a good idea? What if you don't make the 4 hour cut off? I'm not sure you can."
I wish I had an outside giant voice that would yell, "SHUT UP!" to my little voice. It would also assure me with, "HELL YES!" every time the little voice speaking up. Could someone invent a gadget that would kick in and give encouragement? I guess it's all up to me.
So, if you see me on the trail and I'm yelling HELL YES or SHUT UP, please try not to stare. I'm just trying to quiet my little voice.

Day : 1
Total Miles: 4

Running makes you grow

I realized something as I drank my preparatory coffee this morning. One of my biggest stresses about running is this: How will I ever measure up to the runner in my head?
My inner runner always does the training as scheduled. She's lighter and has tighter butt cheeks. 'Can't' does not exist in her vocabulary. She's more naturally talented and has the potential to be a competitive runner. When I say competitive, I refer to placing in my age group or even winning my age group. In 40 years, look out 80-85 group! She's even taller than me, 5'6" to be exact.
Not entirely sure I'll ever be taller. At forty, i realize it's a long shot. But the rest? I could be naturally talented and may even have a competitive runner deep inside.
But seriously, here's what I'm getting at. No matter how much I improve in the real world, I'm comparing myself to that inner perfect runner and not measuring up. I'm not the only one.
I'm always trying to recruit new running buddies. If I like someone, I ask them for a run. Often I hear the same responses. "Oh, I can't run." or "I couldn't keep up". Now, if you've been reading along with me, you know that I am not naturally talented. I'm athletic but even my best running times are middle of the pack. I think we all race against the ideal runner in our head.
I know I'm afraid of not measuring up. But here's yet another super fabulous thing about running. When I do go out and run, I'm never the fastest but for a few minutes on magical days, I swear I'm taller.

Breathing is good

Should a runner wear music when running with other people? I say no but I have a friend who says she needs it. She listens to 'angry' music to make it uphill and says it helps keep the pace.
I think it's a little rude but also think it's hilariously entertaining in a group.
Her part of the conversation is always a little off because she misses details. For instance, when a young gal ran by I joked, "holy tanning booth Batman!" The girl looked like Jersey Shore was missing a cast member. Laurie heard "that man" and asked "what man?" After another 20 minutes she'd made a few more of these innocent blunders and entertained us through our whole morning run. She's not the only person I know who complains about running without music. Another friend complained because she could hear herself breathe hard.
Is hearing yourself breathe a bad thing? I say no! There's magic out there if you look and listen. Even I run with music occasionally, it's a nice change. But, the truth is, I like listening.
I like hearing the rise and fall of my breathing, the wind, gurgling water, birds chirping and even the rain falling around me. I think life's too short to miss out on all that juicy detail. There is a beautiful moment when everything is perfect. When the magic happens your brain just wraps around the movement of your legs and suddenly, nothing matters except the sound of your feet hitting the ground and ....just breathing....

Get 'er done, just don't forget to look back!

Life is hard to keep up with. We're constantly moving forward, trying to improve, move on, achieve something new...pushing and struggling to 'get 'er done'. It's good to move forward right? I think so.... and...
Sometimes, it's good to look back. I've always had to struggle with being proud of my own achievements. I have the tendency to push! and go! This method does work on one level. I do get 'er done much of the time but I tend to ignore the best part. I ignore the sense of accomplishment that comes with a job well done. I'm trying to change that.
So, today I sat down and wrote a thank you to nutritionist, Sheena Gravis. In May of last year, we reviewed my eating habits. Not surprisingly, I ate way too much sugar. (Ahh sugar, I do love you!) She helped me evaluate my intake and gave me ways to improve them. She also outlined some lifestyle goals for me. We talked about work, life and surprise!.. Running a 50K.
I realized that my goals are closer and more realistic than last May. I'm running more, feel better, make healthier choices like drinking almond milk and less red wine.
Sheena did a few things for me. For one, she made me realize an entire 1 lb. bag of candy is never reasonable, even on a really bad day. More importantly, she helped outline reasonable and achievable goals.
Almost a year later, I see some of the steps I've taken to achieve those goals and a few more to go! and get 'er done!

Today is not another day of complaining.  Instead it is a day of joy.  Running is beginning to be, dare I say, enjoyable again?  I realized it a few days ago as I reflected on a track workout last week.   
I struggled to keep up with the other two girls but still had fun despite the struggle to breathe enough life sustaining oxygen.  That may sound funny but, I'm pretty sure my internal organs would beg to differ.  During one very short 100 repeat I kept up with Katy.  That's it I kept up for about 90 meters then had to stretch out my hamstring before I finished our workout.  Did that suck a bit?  Did I also cling to the magical 90 meters? You bet your sweet pitooty I did!  Did I mention Katy is in her 20's?  Yep, clinging to that too...
     

Oh Alanis, you do write a mean quote...

Just had to share this...

"I think there is no better way to invite a human being to view their body
differently than by inviting them to be an athlete, by revering one's body
as an instrument rather than just an ornament. It's a really great way to
reorient how you see your body so you can see it as this incredible,
awe-inspiring machine that you need to fuel well in order for it to
function."-- Alanis Morissette

True dat!