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Friday, September 10, 2010

Forgiveness and digging out of holes

Lately, I've been running solo more than not.  While I truly enjoy the company of friends on a run, I've come to appreciate a run for itself.  That enjoyment is helping me with consistency.  My pace is more even and I'm getting out more. 
Around mid-July I posted a goal of 40 miles a week and a 1/2 Marathon by the end of August.  I didn't reach either goal, despite my plans.  I actually took that particular week in August off, listening to my body saying, 'enough'.  But, since then I have managed to keep my mileage around 25-28 and reached 30 miles/week since beginning my 'quest' for 40.  Am I completely satisfied?  Uh, no. 
I'm not completely satisfied, but I am starting to see some changes for the better.  I'm running more consistently than I have for years AND...my runs are fun again!  I look forward to them.  I'm also more forgiving of myself. 
In the past, I'd get so discouraged if a week wasn't going well, I'd throw in the towel and skip several days out of frustration.  Know what that gets you?  Yep, more frustration!  Funny thing, I chatted with two friends over wine this afternoon.  It was delightful company and wine, by the way.  I mentioned how frustrating it can be to begin.  I said that when I begin something new, my inner voice must be overcome.  The voice says, "I can't" and I have to dig my way out of that bleak place just to start.  They both said they have the same challenge.  I may be onto something here!  Perhaps the struggle is universal.  Maybe we all have to jump out of our little holes and just try. 
Some days, a run will start that way.  My body will grumble with aches and stiffness and my head is not a motivator.  On some of those days, I manage to dig out of from gloom of self doubt and run.  Does it always go well?  NO!  Of course not.  Do I feel better when I get back?  YES!  Of course I do!
Am I still trying to build to 40 miles/week.  Yes, wish me luck with that one. 

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