OK, ran a 6 miler with Karla today. She was kind enough to not strangle me at mile 2.5 when I sort of freaked out. She suggested we keep going. Today was supposed to be a 40 min run. Meaning about 4-5 miles. She was feeling good and wanted to keep going. Understandable right?
Uh, no. I said OK, but this is the last time we go longer than planned! (I'm sure that's paraphrased but I'm not willing or able to quote myself verbatim at this time) About 3/4 of the way through my huff, I realized this had nothing to do with Karla. It did however have everything to do with fear.
My name is Paula and I am afraid of failure. There, I said it! I'm afraid that in the next 14 1/2 weeks, I'll blow this master plan and not reach my goal of a sub-four marathon. Crazy right? Yep, that's me, crazy town. Anyway, I explained my feelings to Karla who thanked me for explaining my bitchiness. She also said she understood exactly how I felt. What a great friend.
Also, what a great lesson. This goal is not worth being angry at a friend. It's not worth obsessing about but....it is worth staying focused and giving myself a break at the same time. On the same note; when I got home tonight, I read another running blog. The runner was talking about having an irregular heart beat and crying during a run. She ended by saying her 89 mile week was probably the reason, along with her 3 lb weight loss. I have to say I was alarmed at her lack of clarity. Why run so much that your heart malfunctions?
Our health is so precious, running could never be that important to me. Is it possible for me ever get to her level of obsession? I highly doubt it (my love of food would prevent all that weight loss anyway), but I sure hope my friends would say something if I did. I'm pretty sure Karla wouldn't let me go that far.
So, today we ran an extra mile or two and it was a gorgeous day. No big deal-I enjoyed the run. See? The sun is following me.
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